Intuitive vs. Instrumental Grieving

Do you know that there are various ways to grieve? There is no right or wrong way.  You might recognize yourself in one of these types of grieving personalities, or you may not! Traditionally these two types of grieving were seen as "gender-specific", but this was an old-school of thought.  As we know, many emotions can be felt and expressed the same by different genders.  I hope this helps you feel normalized in your grieving either way

​The Intuitive Griever:
This family member is the one showing outward signs of their grief. They are openly emotional (may be crying and appear inconsolable) and that is how they process their grief. You can help by listening to them talk about their loved one. You can encourage them to tell stories and share meaningful memories about their loved one. This will help them begin to process their loss. Don’t label these family members as “over emotional” or “stuck”. They are using their emotions to process grief.
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The Instrumental Griever:
This family member is the one who may be asking a lot of questions to other family members about the plans surrounding the funeral or upcoming holidays. They are going to want to know all the details and will likely be the one organizing everything.  They are not going to want to engage with you in talking about their loved one, and you likely won’t see them show any emotion in public. They might be the spokesperson for the family an the “go to” person. Don’t label these family members as “in denial” or “cold.” They are using their actions to process grief.


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